Adding c o l o u r s

me remembered at 3:39 AM

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Thursday, September 30, 2010

I feel that you're just with me physically and your heart is with someone else.
Really wonder if there's another person in your life now.
Not only we're drifting apart. I feel that there are so many things left unsaid.
You fell asleep while i was talking to you bout smt important concerning the both of us.

Our car ride was never so quiet before.
It used to be countless conversations to talk about.
Used to laugh at little little things tgt.
It's only silence. I dont know what's going thru your mind.

You flare up at me for no reason.
I was just being concerned about you.
This further proves that i dont mean a thing to you.
You never ever shout at me for no reason.
i guess you are really seeing someone.
This explains why you jump upon every chance to be out without me.
Acting guilty whenever i'm around.
Refuse to tell me what went on for your day / outing.
Shrug off your absence with the word "stuff to do" or "family matters".

I think i really need to get away for a while to understand what i want from you and how are we going to carry on from here...

me remembered at 4:45 PM

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Thursday, September 23, 2010

I have no idea when all these emotions have beening building inside.
Whenever i talk to someone about it, it seems the same.
I'm repeating my complains and unhappiness.
When will this resolve?

Perhaps when one day, you finally wake up and realise something has been wrong all these while.
Then there might be a change, a solution to all these unhappiness.
I see people trying so hard to change and making an effort to do something.
But i dont see it from you. I'm sick of the endless talking, tantrum, quarrels..
Everyone is afraid of losing.. losing that special someone.
What about you?

Am i so insignificant that you dont mind losing at all?
Or am i not important anymore?

I'm sick and tired of endless trying.
Trying to be the selfless one, giving everything, sacrificing my time..
I dont want to be the one putting in the effort to communicate, finding out your plans..
And all you do is keeping quiet.
What pains me the most is.. you dont behave like this when you're with other people.
Laugh, joke.. etc. but not keeping quiet.

Talked to your over the phone. Quarreled, argued..
Nothing comes out of it. All that you've said, are purely excuses.
Reasons to make yourself sound remorseful but nothing has changed deep down inside.
You are still not getting the ultimate reason for this argument.
Told you that everything is over, you take it as I'm falling into the trend.
Told you that I'm unhappy, you say i'm feeling victimised.
What more can i say?

Maybe i have to agree with you that I'm sick.
Sick till the deepest core ever.
Sick. Sick. Sick.
This four letter word is the worst i've ever heard from you.
It's far worse than fuck. seriously.
You have no idea how deep it cuts my heart to hear it.
I didnt know i disgust you so much to categorize me to that of maids, stupid idiots on the road, retards etc.

It really makes me wonder why are you still holding on.
The pure company when you need it?
Because you're in the army?
Because you dont wanna be the victim which means you fell for the "trend"?
So at the end of the day, it's still the face that matters to you.
I'm totally not in the picture.

This is fucking nerve wrecking.
How i wish i can just let go and not be bothered.

me remembered at 2:12 AM

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Wednesday, August 04, 2010

What If

what if?

what if I'm the one for you?

and you're the one for me?

what if...

if you are the one

then us meeting here is fate

future with a dog named Ben

buy a house with a fireplace

this is the first I've seen your face

but there a chance we are soulmates

I know that this might sound crazy

cuz you don't know my name

but we can't we can't tell

the future no

the first kiss, the beauty of the world we know

so Imma say duuuduuu duuuduuu duuudu duuudu

baby, what if

we all can say duuuduuu duuuduuu duuudu duuudu

baby, what if

picture me on one knee

with the perfect diamond ring

we just met, but if you say "yes"

we'd have our wedding on the beach

it could happen, raise three kids

and we grow old so happily

I know this may sound crazy

cuz I don't know your name

but we can't we can't tell

the future no

But that's just, the beauty of the world we know

so Imma say duuuduuu duuuduuu duuudu duuudu

baby, what if

we all can say duuuduuu duuuduuu duuudu duuudu

baby, what if

don't know what tomorrow brings

but i'm still hoping

that you are the one for me

oh and what if I had you and what if you had me and

baby, what's the reason we can't fall in love?

what if

but we can't we can't tell

the future no

But that's just the beauty of the world we know

so Imma say duuuduuu duuuduuu duuudu duuudu

baby, what if

we all can say duuuduuu duuuduuu duuudu duuudu

baby, what if but we can't

we can't tell the future no

But that's just the beauty of the world we know

so Imma say duuuduuu duuuduuu duuudu duuudu

baby, what if

we all can say duuuduuu duuuduuu duuudu duuudu

baby, what if

me remembered at 4:58 PM

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Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Gotten this from Goodie's blog.
This clearly states how things in life really is.

Love by Amanda Norton

Love is something that is not easily explained.
No one word can express it.
And no one person feels the same about it.

It’s waking up in the morning wanting to be with that one person
And going to bed feeling the same way.

It’s knowing that you want to spend the rest of your life with him
And it’s a feeling so great that no matter what anyone says will never be taken away.

It’s crying every night when the one you love doesn’t love you back.
It’s feeling that pain in your heart when you lose that one person
But to just hear those three little words come from his mouth
And actually know he means it.
That’s the best feeling in the world

To know that someone loves you for you
And wants to be with you forever.

Love is hard to find, and even harder to keep.
It takes time and effort to keep it going.
But you don’t mind because you would do anything in the world to keep it.
It’s knowing that when you come home you’ll have someone to share your day with.
It’s that last conversation of the night before you fall asleep

He’s the first one you want when you wake up.
The only thing that’s on your mind all day, every day.
It’s knowing that someone’s always there for you to cry on,
Someone’s always there for you to talk to about anything
And won’t judge you for that.

It’s the person you feel the most comfortable with in the world
And to know that you have that.
That you share that special bond with one other person.
That’s the best feeling in the world.

But when you lose that feeling
When you lose the only thing that ever mattered to you
It seems like life has no purpose, no point at all.
You feel like you could just curl up and die.
That nothing or no one else matters to you
And the only thing that you’ve ever wanted is now gone.
You will do anything to get him back,
Because he’s worth it

You’ll try and try until one day you realize,
That things will never be the same again.
Your love is still there, deep inside of you
So you try your best to just be friends,
And it works for a while.
But the feelings are still there.

And no matter how hard you try friend will never be good enough.
So you want to forget about him, but that’s even harder.
There’s too many memories, to many good times to just forget
And no matter what you do, he’s always there.

Everywhere you look, everything you do, every place you go,
Every song you hear, every guy you see,
Reminds you of him.

You hope someday you’ll be back together
But until then there’s nothing you can do
But sit and cry, to go through that pain when he talks about
Another girl he likes, or how good his life is going.
And that pain breaks your heart day after day.

Tear after tear, until you have no mores tears to cry
Until you just get used to that hole in your heart that won’t go away.
That pain that never leaves you.
That lonely feeling that stays with you forever.

You may have other guys, but nothing or no one could ever compare, and you know that.

Things are a lot better now.
I know i'm really planning for myself, making myself useful again..
Guess it's really not expecting too much and not letting yourself slip into a self-pity/ denial state.
Taking things easy and on a lighter note. Not being a cang qiong spider.

Heard a song and got reminded how crazy i was over it last time and the emotions i had.
It really brought back memories. haha.
Cant find the actual video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGguwTOW-_8

me remembered at 1:33 AM

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Sunday, July 04, 2010

People have been telling me to get my life back.
Dont need to make things revolve around him.
I know i need to live my life.
But it's difficult to take the first step.
My life has been on a halt for 3yrs.
I've lost touch with how to make friends, getting use to the loneliness etc.

On top of that, I'm afraid we will drift apart, even further than now.
I know living my life is a win-win situation for me.
But if he doesnt realise anything after all this, then what?
We will just end up as nothing.
I dont want things between us to turn out that way.
Giving up now is not an option. Not anymore.
Cus i still love him, ever so much.

I really could use a wish right now.

me remembered at 4:09 AM

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Thursday, July 01, 2010

Things ended nastily again.
I feel like a fool having to be hung up and frantically trying my best to call back.
It seems like a dog begging it's owner not to abandon her.

Why will things end up like this?
Someone told me this..
"Things change, people change. Dont expect everything to be as before. Initial days of being tgt will never ever be back"
I swear to God that i've never lusted over the honeymoon period.
I know that things will never be the same.
But all i need is a little more attention and effort.
Why are his actions so drastic?
He used to stalk my blog, talk to me on the phone for hours..
Now? Forsaken blog, hate to talk on the phone.

For whatever reason that can be.. i'm determined to change things.
I want my life back. Youth shouldnt be wasted.
I'm not being selfish for wanting to live the way i want to. Right?
Guess i've been selfless for too long, till the extent that i'm becoming invisible.
I want to be known for who i am and not someone else's girlfriend.

I want to be a cat.
No longer a dog, waiting with a wagging tail.

me remembered at 5:21 AM

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